Friday, February 27, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 2/27/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Giuliana Rancic forced to apologize for 'racist' Oscar red carpet comment about teen star Zendaya's dreadlocks - after saying they 'must smell like weed and oil' 
My Comment:   If she married Rudy Giuliani, she'd be Giuliana Giiuliani -- and they're both racists so they'd probably be happy together.

Can you imagine the balls it takes to make fun of somebody's hair when you're sporting a stringy, greasy orangutang doo?  I can write this because my hair is always perfect.

Lauren Silverman Simon Cowell boobs chest funny
Eyes on the prize! Simon Cowell is distracted by Lauren Silverman's chest as she wows at Elle Style Awards 2015
My Comment:   That chest is a booby prize.  You get a bigger trophy in a box of breakfast cereal.

Nicole Trunfio hot breasts clesvage
Hot mumma! Nicole Trunfio busts out of VERY low-cut burgundy gown weeks after giving birth to her first child 
My Comment:   Wow!  Time to make another baby!  Where do I sign up?

Christina Milian nipple oops hot
Christina Milian suffers wardrobe malfunction as she shows off too much sideboob (and strategically placed fashion tape!) at Focus premiere in LA 
My Comment:   Where can I find a beautiful woman that likes to have her nipples covered in sticky tape?  I'm a young billionaire that enjoys hurting women consensually for our mutual pleasure.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kylie Jenner skank funny
Kylie and Kris Jenner coordinate their black outfits as they spend the day together
My Comment:  Kylie dresses like she's a 30-year old divorced mother of two.  Rating ▲32

Simon Cowell fat funny douchebag
The answer is NO! Simon Cowell says he'd rather cut himself a thousand times in bath of vinegar than work with Katie Hopkins
My Comment:  I'd rather watch Simon Cowell cut himself a thousand times in a bath of vinegar than watch his TV show.  Rating ▼8

For delicious and tender meat, bathe a rump roast of douchebag in vinegar, remembering to slice it 1000 times so the marinade penetrates into the flesh.

Charlie XCX sideboob hot oops
Charli XCX flashes EXTREME sideboob in a backless monochrome gown as she makes a rather racy arrival on the BRITs red carpet
My Comment:  EXTREME sideboob is like EXTREME skiing. The slopes are steep, danger awaits at every curve and the rush is addictive.  Rating ▲1

Seriously, that's some serious sideboob.

Worked once so I gave it another shot.

Rita Ora Ellie Goulding hot cleavage
Rita Ora and Ellie Goulding go all out in the battle of the pop princesses as they display EXTREME cleavage on the BRIT Awards red carpet
My Comment:  EXTREME cleavage is like EXTREME skiing. The slopes are steep, danger awaits at every curve and the rush is addictive.  Rating ▲1

Time for another pitch to my good friends at Fox.

Battle Extreme Celebrity Cleavage boobage funny

In February, The Daily Mail identified 14 EXTREME cleavages.  They are all in that promo (except Rita Ora that I forgot to put in).  Serious cleavages and ample cleavages were not included.   The first caller that can correctly match the celebrity to her EXTREME cleavage will receive a rare How to Eat Pussy t-shirt*.

How'd you do?  To be honest, I'm clueless about a couple of these celebrities.

Here's the key.

Battle Extreme Celebrity Cleavage boobage funny

* Readers of the blog PoundTheBudweiser and members of their family are not eligible for this contest.

The Daily Mail is truly the paper of record.
Daily Mail masthead

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