Friday, February 6, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 2/6/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny Daily Mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Steve Doocy Elisabeth Hasselbeck funny hot
He needs to let it go! Fox News host claims Disney hit Frozen spreads anti-male propaganda by turning men into 'fools and villains'
My Comment:  Steve Doocy would be the perfect male character in a Disney movie, stupid, superfluous, pretty -- and evil because he works for FOX News.

Steve Doocy Fox News hates Frozen feminists Disney funny

Now, all I have to do is write a funny song for Steve Doocy and Elisabeth Hasselbeck and I can pitch it to Disney.

Jennifer Lawrence naked snake feet hot funny
Naked Jennifer Lawrence smoulders as she poses with giant red-tailed boa constrictor 
My Comment:  If I was that snake, I would hid in the nearest hole.

A warm, dark, moist hole.  Because snakes like hiding in holes. 

Lindsey Lohan catches exotic virus at rehab
Lindsay Lohan 'hospitalized in London' as she continues to battle rare Chikungunya virus contracted in French Polynesia
My Comment:  Chickuglycuntya virus?  I didn't know Lindsay Lohan had a disease named after her.

I really thought my clever virus name would get through the censors.

Kris Jenner Kardashian home schooled
Kris Jenner brings Hollywood glamour to the NTAs in a luxurious fur coat and white cutaway gown... but fluffs her lines live on television
My Comment:   Kardashians can hob a knob as well as anybody but reading is not an important life skill.  Remember those girls were home schooled.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Ugandan kills croc that killed his wife marries croc's wife
Mubarak Batambuze kills Ugandan crocodile that ate his wife
My Comment:   The croc was just trying to survive. This guy would make a great American.  Rating ▼464

Whoa, jackpot!  If Bristol Palin was eaten by a moose, Sarah Palin would really, really want to kill that moose.  It's the American way.  We can't help it. We kill stuff just for the fun of it.

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