Thursday, February 12, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 2/12/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Kim Kardashian spanx pee
'I always pee all over my Spanx': Kim Kardashian reveals 'disastrous' underwear fail in candid magazine interview
My Comment:  Kanye really picked a winner.  He used to have to pay extra for a golden showers now he gets them for free from the old lady.

There's nothing like an old pair of urine-soaked Spanx -- and for the low price of $499.99 even you can own a girdle thoroughly soiled by the one and only Kim Kardashian.  Guaranteed to smell worse than a NYC subway station.  Act now, while supplies last.

Hmm, maybe we should have realized that Kim pee-peed herself on a regular basis.  There were subtle clues.

Kim Kardashian spanx pee golden shower camel toe cameltoe

And the hauntingly beautiful lullaby Kanye sings to his daughter North every night:

No matter the cash your dead dad left in the banks
The last drop of pee ends up staining your Spanx
Your mama's a dime with brain cells firing blanks
She'll go down in history as the 
Queen of the Skanks...

Posh Spice smile
Susanna Reid behaves like a giddy schoolgirl as she interviews David Beckham on Good Morning Britain
My Comment:  Given that his wife can't smile because of all the plastic surgery, I'm sure David appreciated the genuine expressions of emotion.

Victoria Beckham smile

Kim Kardashian fake boobs cleavage funny
Kim Kardashian reveals her cold front as she steps out in sub-zero New York temperatures
My Comment:  Kim's shiny, fake boobs look like bowling balls on a rack.  I wonder if they  have finger holes and weigh 16 pounds each.

Kim Kardashian fake boobs cleavage funny

What is the freezing point of an isotonic solution of saline?  Those babies look rock hard.

'I got a word from God': Katy Perry reveals she had a halftime pep talk from The Almighty before her Super Bowl performance
My Comment:   Jesus is so busy making sure all the players do well that Dad had to take over halftime duties.  Maybe if God and Jesus didn't spend so much time worrying about sports, the world would be a better place.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

raw McDonalds burger
Northampton man's McDonald's quarter pounder was completely RAW
My Comment:  Gordon Ramsey would call it steak tartare and charge you 15£.  Rating ▲183

Ouch, bad week.

McTartare McDonalds raw burger steak tartare

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