Friday, April 17, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 4/17/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Only the best for North West! Kim Kardashian's 22-month-old daughter totes £600 camera
My Comment:  If that kid knows how to use that camera then she is already smarter than her mother.  But if North wants to stay famous in America, she'll have to sleep with a rapper while Grandma Kris videotapes it.  Her dad doesn't count.

Easy.  Easy.  I just meant that a lot of 2-year old girls sleep in  bed with mom and dad after they wake up in the middle of the night and find an entire film crew in their room shooting pickups --  and they realize that their entire life will be totally fucked up unless they run away to Uncle Rob and live in a cave in the woods.

'Hanging with Posh': Victoria Beckham gets nostalgic as she cuddles up to her Spice Girl wax persona 
My Comment:  Wow, which is the real Victoria?  Oh wait, never mind, the wax one is actually lifelike and shows a hint of emotion.

Kardashian Armenian cousins hot
Meet Kourtni and Kara Kardashian! Kim introduces her Armenian cousins
My Comment:   Sign those Kousins up!  A dozen implants, $100,000 of plastic surgery and hours and hours of photoshop and they will fit right in.  Khloe might be out of a job.

Monica Bellucci nip slip see through
Glamorous Monica Bellucci, 50, shows she's the ultimate Bond Girl as she goes braless in a sheer blouse for lunch
My Comment:   Nothing wets my appetite like two delicious Italian appetizers prominently displayed. Mangiare bene, Monica!

Mangia quello che piace a te, vesti come piace agli altri!

Elmo arrested Times Square
Cookie Monster arrested in Times Square for allegedly grabbing teen's breasts - but he says it's a case of mistaken identity
My Comment:   Cookie Monster going after melons instead of cookies?  Where's Rudolph Giuliani when we need him?  Probably dressed up as Elmo.

Sex offender Elmo

Khloe Kardashian funny
Khloe Kardashian has a spring in her step as she hits the gym in LA one day after arriving home from Armenia
My Comment:  Glad to see that Khloe escaped from Armenia.  I was afraid she would be mistaken for a mule and you know how they love their mules.

You think you'd be able to tell the difference between Khloe Kardashian and a mule?   Go ahead, try.

Khloe Kardashian ugly mule funny Armenia

Damn, did the sunglasses give it away?  Mules sometimes wear sunglasses, don't they?  I think they do, especially when they're on their way to the gym and their eyes are puffy and red and full of sebaceous secretions because they've been up all night doing drugs and having copious amounts of unprotected sex.

Mules wear sunglasses, I'm sure.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Amanda Holdn nipple insurance breasts funny
Just call her Amanda Hold-em! BGT judge grabs her breasts as she laughs off insurance claims... before dancing while wearing nipple tassels
My Comment:  Never before has so much been made of so little.  Rating ▲65

Always remember the iconic motto of The Daily Mail:

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