Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Nicki Minaj - That's the 2nd Greatest Bar Mitzvah Photo I've Ever Seen
Wow. Nicki Minaj and eight lucky 13-year old boys posing at a Bar Mitzvah. Props to Rembert Browne at Grantland for a funny, insightful analysis. I don't agree with his conclusion on this hand.
But that's a discussion for another day. What was missing from the analysis were the two biggest mysteries.
When Nicki Minaj shows up at your Bar Mitzvah, the girl shows up at your Bar Mitzvah! Nicki was dressed to impress. She was like, "Hi boys, today you are men!" I hope the hedge fund manager dad paid the extra $100,000 for the ice cream sundae bar and the Nicki Minaj Motorboat option.
But the biggest mystery of this photo is not the largeness of the breasts but that everyone of those horny, 13-year old piles of hormones are looking directly at the camera.
Not a sidewise glance. Not a future Senator or Vice President in this group. What could the photographer be holding in his hand that directed their attention away from Nicki? You know, like a rattle for a baby.
I got nothing. Neither did anyone at work. This bit failed to fire. A classic coitus interruptus.
Is there anything in the universe more interesting to a 13-year old boy than Nicki Minaj three feet away in a sexy, tight dress? Having a good photo to post on snapchat? Shit... Kids today.
The 1st greatest Bar Mitzvah photo I've ever seen? Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah photo.
I was there and wrote about it here. And because I remember what it's like to be in middle school, I'm gonna guess the nicknames of these young men.
My nickname when I was 13 was The Radical. It was given to me by Steve "Pretzel Legs" DeGreco and had something to do with Tony the Tiger, Frosted Flakes and nutritional guidelines. Donna Brisanti gave Steve his nickname in gym class when she saw him in shorts for the first time. A great day to be Steve's friend, not such a great day to be Steve.