Jesus Christ, Jeter Christ, Derek Jeter Messes Up!

Derek Jeter messes up. His bone head move probably cost the Yankees a game and a sweep of Toronto and all anybody wants to talk about is the ump.

Because Jesus Jeter is infallible

Of course, unlike the real Jesus, Jeter did not turn the other cheek. Embarassed by his Little League mistake, he threw the umpire under the bus. That's a bad "Pinstriped Prince of Peace."

The ump blew the call. It happens. Then, finding himself in an unwanted audience with a vengeful "Fisherman of Wins," he stumbled on his words and now may be excommunicated.

I got to listen to this play described on the radio by the Yankee announcers. So, I had no clue what was happening. John Sterling thought Jeter was out by a mile (for you out of towners, the poor, old man has very bad eyesight). He couldn't be bothered to look at the monitor for the replay but assigned the task to his color commentator, Suzyn Waldman. She got distracted by Jeter arguing.

This manly display by the Yankee Son of God shortstop caused her to audibly moan as another cunt bunny was ejected onto the floor of the Lowe's broadcasting booth. BTW, you can buy an authentic game used Waldman cunt bunny here.

For anybody that knows anything about the game of baseball let me remind you that Jeter got thrown out trying to steal third with no outs. I waited for the mandatory lecture about not making the first or third out at third base. That's what announcers do. They have to. It's in their contracts. It's mandated by Major League Baseball, Inc.

Nope. It was Jeter. Not a single mention about the bad baseball play. Bad fundamental baseball. Even after the next batter singled -- which would have driven Jeter home from second easily.

Hey Yankee fans, how do you listen to this crap, game after game?

Where Have You Gone, Jason Giambi? A Nation Turns its Lonely Eyes to You

From the PtB archives:
Giambi Wins A.L. Comeback Player Award

Robert Melonosky, Associated Press

Before meeting Jose Canseco, Giambi didn't know that constantly masturbating was causing him to be skinny and feeble-minded.

NEW YORK - Jason Giambi arrived at spring training unsure whether he could return to the ranks of baseball's top power hitters without his beloved steroids. After the first three months of the season, he was batting .195 with only five homeruns. New York Yankee manager Joe Torre asked Giambi to go down to the minors for the good of the team. "I told him no way," said Giambi, "and I went back on the juice and the human growth hormones."

Giambi was rewarded for lying and cheating Thursday when fans voted him the AL Comeback Player of the Year. Suffering from girlie ankles, a "stomach virus," an atrophed penis, a "respiratory infection," an intestinal parasite from the planet Mars and a benign pituitary tumor, all directly related to his abuse of steroids, Giambi hit .208 with 12 homers and 40 RBIs in 2004. He was so weak at the end of the season that when he went into a steroid-induced rage, he was beaten up by Mariano Rivera.

"I am truly humbled by this award," Giambi lied, sweating profusely as his greasy hair fell in front of his glazed eyes, "I would especially like to thank Arnold, our clubhouse boy, for tirelessly peeing into my sample jar and for popping the zits on my back and rock hard ass."

"I wanted nothing more than to prove to you and the people of New York that I could face adversity and comeback to be the player I once was," Giambi said. Maybe now Babe Ruth will stop spinning in his grave everytime Yankee announcer John Sterling calls Giambi, "The Giambini."

Three weeks later, through a lot of not-so-bad workouts and many painful injections, Giambi became a real man. He remained feeble-minded.

The New York media has made this Oakland A's series into the Second Coming of Jesus Giambi. I didn't listen to the radio broadcast but I'm sure that during Giambi's first at bat Suzyn Waldman cried a river of tears then visited all the Stations of the Cross. I have come to the conclusion that cellphones have damaged an entire generation's collective memory. Jason Giambi was a bum. The Yankees never won the World Series with Giambi. He was a poor post-season performer. He was a terrible fielder. He admitted to injecting himself with steroids and human growth hormone. One positive note, he did walk a lot.

Here's a reminder Yankee fans. The front cover of your favorite NY daily back in December 2004: