Friday, March 12, 2010

I Like Me Some Eyebrows

Today's guest blogger is a frequent contributor of insightful posts and unsightly stains, my dick.

Last night I was watching an old French porno art film starring my new favorite actress of all time. The setup was perfect. It involved an old chain-smoking French guy with a big belly and a beard and the young, supple nanny from some quaint, provincial town, maybe, how the hell do I know, I don't speak French. An excruciatingly long pan from her high heels past her nylons, garters, frilly things, taut little belly, large natural conservancies, over her long slender neck framed by her golden locks to her classically gorgeous face without any eyebrows. No eyebrows? Okay, no prob. Except it really bothered me. Turns out I need a face to have eyebrows.

That's a photo of Brigitte with eyebrows.

This fascinates me. According to a guy on Wikipedia, who may or may not know anything about eyebrows, the main function of an eyebrow is to protect the eyes from salty fluids and rain. So unless you are into godzilla bukake, these particular body parts are not required for procreation.

I found this example of a woman with an outstanding pair of eyebrows, full, and nicely shaped.

No, but seriously, there are many famous examples of sex symbols without eyebrows including Queen Elizabeth I and these two:

None of these women have ever done anything for me. What the deuce? Another function of eyebrows, specifically in humans, is to facilitate the expression of emotion. I can see that being important in an actual relationship but we're talking old, French art films here. Brigitte is like 70 today. Why should I care if a few pixels in a streaming video are lighter than they should be?

So I tried an experiment. Here's the beautiful Cosmo covergirl with and without. "Yo, Tony, I'll take the one on the left, youse can have a go at her friend."

She's still attractive but there is a significant drop off. So, I tried it again, with a woman with small, perky delicate eyebrows.

I like me some eyebrows.


  1. Bob,

    Hey Dick, please to meet you! You could use some manscaping. Mona didn't have eyebrows?

    I keep my eyebrows nicely trimmed. My mother draws her eyebrows. She cracks me up! She may have been a porn star too.


  2. P.S.

    Got here before Bill and Rick. Cause I am on stealth mode.

  3. Bobby,

    Eyebrows not erogenous?

    Have you never dragged your frenulum along the arch of a woman's eyebrow before deposting your own special sequoianoir in her lacrimal duct?

    Simply delightful.

    I'm sure MissWannaB would consider this a busting of her "born again" hymen.


  4. Bill,

    Why is the word phlegm coming to mind at this time. I may need more wine.

    Still Born Again Virgin.

  5. My Mother is a pluck-a-holic and has very few eyebrows. She purchased these freaky fake eyebrows that you stick on to your head. It's very fucking disturbing.

    That being said, no eyebrows looks better than drawing on your head witha sharpie.

  6. Candice,

    Thanks for the comment!

    Finally, an a-holic I'm not, yeah!

    I would very much like to draw on you with a sharpie...