Friday, April 9, 2010

Monet, Picasso and Burton: I Play Hookey From Work at the Museum of Modern Art

Yesterday I blew off work and headed up to the MOMA to immerse myself in modern art. You laughed. You imagined that if I were to blow off work I would likely end up in a peep show, or a baseball stadium or passed out behind a dumpster.

I have an artistic bent. I wanted to be an artist in high school until my teachers convinced me that I sucked.


I had time to kill before they would let me into the Tim Burton exhibit so I checked out Monet's Water Lilies. Unfortunately, these paintings have really faded over the years -- I mean you can barely make out the flowers in a painting that is as big as a house. Probably caused by the tens of thousands of flash photos that everyone was taking despite the numerous signs forbiding it, and the useless guard watching everyone taking the photos. It's too bad.


A Picasso exhibit was across the hall so I stuck my head in. I like Picasso. The Picasso Museum in Paris was my favorite part of that trip. These were etchings for magazines and books. Never seen an etching before. Still don't know what the hell an etching is. Am now amazed that an etching could ever be used to entice a woman up to your bedroom.


Tim Burton easily kicked the other guy's butts. The exhibit had hundreds of drawings, some models, and some movie props. I really liked the drawings. When Mr. Burton draws something he takes the time to ink it and paint it with watercolors. The stuff was great. There was this diorama that was way better than a shoebox. It had a kid killing his dad but you can only see the bloody gore when the light changed color.

My three favorites were this panel from a Nightmare Before Christmas storyboard.

A drawing of skeleton reindeer with Wite-Out on black construction paper and a huge polaroid of a blue woman hammering nails into a blue baby. That's the woman and the baby but this photo must have been taken before her home improvement project.

My Dick Discusses Tim Burton at the MOMA
The following review was written by a frequent contributor of insightful posts and unsightly stains, my dick.

This exhibit was filled to overflowing with people. There had to be at least 100 models from France and Italy enjoying Tim Burton. And when I say models, I'm not talking about little three dimensional figurines of skeleton boys. I'm talking about incredibly beautiful women.

I was queued up behind two gorgeous, young women from France that found every cartoon, no mattter how obvious, to be out loud funny. Damn, French is an appealing language when spoken by amazingly attractive women.

Are the Fashion Houses of Milan and Paris closed this week?

Also, and I commend the exhibit curators for this decision, the space was way too small for the sold-out crowd, resulting in uncomfortably warm conditions. All the hot art babes were hot so clothing was minimal.

After an exhaustive internet search that took 5 minutes I have found photos of the two French models that were my inadvertant "companions" at the MOMA.

So, if you are a rich, handsome stud muffin, get to the MOMA and get laid. If I qualified, I'd use the old "wanna see my etchings" line.


  1. Bob,

    I forgot you are from NY, the fam jam is planning a trip to NY and MOMA is on our list. Glad blew work.


  2. Crap, I mean: Glad you blew off work.


  3. V!

    Thanks for the comment!

    Definitely print out your tickets at home before going to the MOMA. Yesterday the line was around the block and I got to walk right in, past all the suffering tourists.


  4. Bobby,

    This remended me of the old line, "You may not know anything about art but..."

    No punchline. That's it. You don't know anything about art.

    You should write thank you notes to those teachers that crushed your misplaced boyhood ambitions.

    Now, if you stopped writing and focused on cleaning toilets, the world would be better place.


  5. Bill,

    Can you put in a good word with your agent for me, babe?

    Or is he burning in hell too?

    What's the difference between art and a fart?


  6. hey bob, that guy in the window, with the 's' on his shirt, i'd totally do him!