Tuesday, September 10, 2013

More Rejected Daily Mail Online Comments

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny daily mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. You have to get your comments through Rupert Murdoch's warehouses full of censors.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

funny Justin Bieber moustache and pubes

Baby Face Bieber Reveals his Little Whiskers in Failed Attempt to Make his Look More Manly
My Comment: The moustache looks great!  Justin is THE man!!! Soon he'll be growing pubes, probably.

funny Daily Mail Online

Couple Born in Same Hospital on Same Day Celebrate Golden Wedding Anniversary After Marrying as Childhood Sweethearts
My Comment: They should try to die in the same car crash, then it would be an actual story.

Never trust a Daily Mail headline. The headline states that they were born on the same day.  The very first sentence of the article states that they were born only days apart. Probably they were born in hospitals only miles apart within the same the year.

funny Miley Cyrus tongue

'I Made History': Miley Cyrus Compares Herself to Pop Icons Britney Spears and Madonna as She Speaks Out to Defend her Raunchy VMAs Performance
My Comment: Miley has more talent in her tongue than Britney has in her entire body!  BTW, how can a girl with that many chins have no butt?

funny Miley Cyrus too many chins and flat butt, no butt flat bum

Seriously, if your chins are gonna jiggle than your butt better jiggle too.

And also seriously, Miley can do special things with her tongue. It can go from a flat slab of meat to a angry red-headed, worm-like appendage that looks quite a bit like a cat's penis.

Short Miley Cyrus Aside
Later in the week there was a story about Miley Cyrus twerking a bunch of dwarves live on German TV.  WTF? When I went to comment, and I had at least 27 different comments involving twerking dwarves, I found the comment section locked. 

Miley Cyrus dwarf twerking banned in 50 states
Unable to accept comments for legal reasons?  Did Rupert Murdoch cave in to the NAASP (National Association for the Advancement of Short People) without a fight?  So many comments dressed up with nowhere to go.

Tragic! Remote-Control Helicopter Stunt Pilot Decapitates Himself
My Comment: Tragic?  Stupid! The guy really used his head when it came to those helicopter stunts. Maybe he should have used his brain.

I quickly scanned the article for permission to make fun of a dead guy with no lag time and found it. "The [youtube] video culminates with him dropping the $1,500 model from the sky, only to restart the rotor when it is just inches from his head." And he didn't decapitate himself. There was no actual head rolling like on Game of Thrones. The rotors cut off  "a piece of his head."

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

'I just want to meet my friend Kim': Dennis Rodman returns to North Korea but ditches promise to help imprisoned American
My Comment: Dennis Rodman was the ultimate team player. He was NOT a thug. Just ask Michael Jordan. If Kim Kardashian was hooking up with Kim you guys would be all wanting to marry the guy. If Kim married Kim Jong Un it would be confusing because she would be Kim Jong Un too. Rating ▼  9

I thought defending Dennis Rodman would be comment gold.  Not so much. I think I know why.

Kim Kardashian blonde with big boobs

New mum, new hair! Kim Kardashian goes blonde and debuts her slim post-pregnancy figure in skinny jeans as she steps out with baby North
My Comment: Kim looks even fatter as a blonde. Do you think the carpet matches the drapes?
Rating   5

The Daily Mail loves Kim Kardashian. Daily Mail readers really, really love Kim Kardashian.  So how the heck did I get the dreaded green arrows? I think my mistake with both comments is that I included obvious humor.

Even rightwing nutjobs like to laugh.

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