Hint Number 1: About 70% of NFL players are African-Americans.
Hint Number 2: The quarterback makes the most money.
Hint Number 3: The quarterback is the star, often called "the face of the franchise."
That's all you need to know. Study the faces and give it your best guess. Every pair of faces has the quarterback and a player on his team that is closest in size (that is not a kicker*).
Did you guess the clean-cut, white boy on the left? You are correct! Good start.
Yeah, I know, he looks like he's fifteen but that is the quarterback.
How are you doing? Three for three? I told you it was easy. Sure he looks like a psychotic pedophile but he looks like a white, psychotic pedophile. The next one is tricky. Take your time.
San Francisco 49ers
Did you guess the guy on the right? Good for you. I tried to trick you but you were too smart for me.
St. Louis Rams
Wow, might as well have stamped QUARTERBACK on this guy's forehead.
Tampa Bay Bucs
Uh oh, you are perfect so far and yes, they are both off-white. Have you noticed that I am showing a tendency to go to my left? Then you got it right.
I know what you are thinking, but I did not make a mistake. One of these guys is the quarterback. Don't worry, keep going, it gets easier again, I promise.
Okay, I admit it, it is getting monotonous but hey, that's the point of the bit.
Okay, that was eight meatballs in a row. Do you need other clues? Quarterbacks are considered the "smartest," and they get to put their hands on the asses of their teammates. Neither of these hints help with this pair. Both of these guys look equally intelligent and equally gay.
New York Giants
Green Bay Packers
San Diego Chargers
New Orleans Saints
New England Patriots
Thirty-two teams, twenty-eight starting white quarterbacks. That's 88%!!! In a league that is 70% African-American. This is no accident. Pale skin must make an athlete better at playing quarterback.
Pale skin also makes an athlete better at kicking.
Placekicker - 100% white
Punter - 97% white
Broken down by position 2008
The teams are sorted by something called a Quarterback Power Ranking from a newspaper called the Dallas Star. That's also where I got the quarterback names -- with the exception of Donovan McNab and the new guy in Philadelphia and I assumed Brett Favre would come out of retirement.