Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday Fotoshop Funnies - Sexy Sarah Palin, Naughty Monkey Woman

NEW YORK (Vogue) Republican Vice President nominee Sarah Palin wears Naughty Monkey Red Peep Toe Pumps while making a speech but prefers a pair of pink Lady Asics for after-speech flirting.

funny sarah palin wearing naughty monkey red peep toe pumps I realize that this photo is very old but it is new to me so it qualifies for the Friday Fotoshop Funnies. Forget the stripper shoes, if that skirt was any tighter, Mrs. Palin would need a teamster to help pull down her panties (rimshot, please).

funny sarah palin wearing naughty monkey red peep toe pumpsPowerful yet so helpless -- the new, feminism.
Yeah, okay even I have to admit that Sarah Palin
looks hot bent over wearing sexy shoes and Bristol's old,
high school uniform. Can you be more funny?
Leave a comment or e-mail me.

funny sarah palin wearing naughty monkey red peep toe pumpsJames McAndews, from our 43rd state, Idaho, sent in
a funny, scathing, racist caption. Of all the offensive n-words,
negro is the funniest.

funny sarah palin wearing naughty monkey red peep toe pumps TLeach43 got me lol-ing. I'd like to pump my toe
in and out of that naughty monkey while her red lips are
munching on my b-, oh you know. Nice shoes, nice position, nice caption.

funny sarah palin wearing naughty monkey red peep toe pumpsI swear, I put a person of color and Sarah Palin in the same photo
and you guys go all George Wallace on me -- and when I say
George Wallace, I don't mean Governor George Wallace
of Alabama , segregationist, I mean George Wallace of Alabama, funny comedian. sent in this well-crafted entry.

For all you foot fetish guys that got here from Google looking for Sarah Palin feet.

sexy sarah palin feet red shoes naughty monkey pumpsThis one's for you.

The George Steinbrenner Plaque is SO BIG...

george steinbrenner plaque is so big The new George Steinbrenner plaque is SO BIG...

How big is it?

The new George Steinbrenner plaque is so big that..,

It doesn't return calls from the Babe Ruth plaque.
All the other Yankee plaques started revolving around it due to it's gravitational field.
Graceland looks modest by comparison.
Stonehenge is so pissed, it hired Boras.
It's shadow is killing the grass in the infield.

It's dating the Statue of Liberty.
Derek Jeter can build a house on it.
Nixon had to pardon it, twice.
The Rays had no trouble hitting it last night when Sabathia pitched.
It's Al-Queda's next target.
They were able to bury his ego behind it.

And finally, the George Steinbrenner plaque is SO BIG that...

george steinbrenner big plaque A primitive tribe in Panama is worshipping it like a god. Oh wait, me bad, that's just Mariano Rivera worshipping it as a god.

*Submitted by reader William Safire.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday Fotoshop Funnies - Sarah Palin Goes Old School

ANCHORAGE (AP) - Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck were paid an oil-tanker-load of money to appear at a 9/11 Rememberance Event.

Sarah Palin, canklesGlenn Beck likes to use a blackboard to carefully explain his hatred-filled lies. So, Sarah Palin did the same. You go girl!

Sarah Palin looks more adn more like Hillary Clinton Oh no! Sarah was too busy to prepare for the event
and is solving anagrams on the fly -- always a risky move. Try again, Sarah!

Sarah Palin is rash backwards Yuck, that's not much better. You better get that looked at Mrs. Palin.

Yea! Sarah Palin nails it!

OK. Stop right there. I'm pulling the plug on this Friday Fotoshop Funny, LOOK AT THOSE CANKLES!!!

What's going to happen to Sarah Palin when she looks just like Hillary Clinton? The woman's appearance seems to be deteriorating rapidly. She already has a lot of weird, old lady stuff happening to her neck -- wrinkles, brown spots, dare I say, jowls. And her face is starting to look like a stomping ground for big, black crows. Will Sarah have the same broad, grassroots appeal when she's an old broad in a designer pant suit? More importantly, what is the future of the Republican Party!?!

Have no fear my right-minded friends, I know the answer...

from Joe Biden's own backyard, I give you Delaware's own
Christine O'Donnell
She's younger...
funny Christine O'Donnell

She's cuter...
funny Christine O'Donnell

She's already got all the moves down...

funny Christine O'Donnell Sarah Palin together again

She's way more conservative...funny Christine O'Donnell looking sexy
And from the looks of her, she will be lots of fun at
those teabagging parties...funny Christine O'Donnell proving her teabagging abilities
Sarah Palin may have to unpack the long johns and disappear into that long, cold winter's night.

John McCain Worships the Devil!

funny john mccain devil worshipTeabaggers Unite!!! Senator John McCain is a devil worshipper, an Arizona State Sun Devil worshipper! Why didn't Senator McCain get the memo?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Pope Benedict's Historic Return to the British Isles Inspires the Return of an Old Bit About Church Pedophilia

My primary source of broadcast news is the BBC. I find it less biased and their reporter's names remind me of those wacky characters in Monty Python bits. The BBC has been pushing Pope Benedict's visit hard. It's good to see that some long standing traditions in the Catholic Church remain. Priests rape children and the Church covers it up. This pope may be wurst than the last one.

Here's an old bit from 2002. Oldtime Opie and Anthony fans will find an endless amount inside references.

Welcome to the City of Boston's
Little Miss Altar Boy 2002

Welcome to the wonderful world of Little Miss Altar Boy Boston! The Mission of our Pageant is to promote the Teachings to Catholics and All People of God, to Help them Deepen their understanding of Our Catholic Faith and to check out the latest talent from parishes across greater Boston!


Until I can figure out how to get an animated gif to work in blogger, dammit. Can anyone help?

Before you waste your time sending me hate mail understand this, the only thing worse than a sick deviant priest that buggers a child is the Church heirarchy that protects him.

Derek Cheater! So help me, Jeter.

Derek Cheater Jeter Christ I believe that it may be time for all Major League umpires to stop worshiping their false idol, Jeter Christ. Home Plate Umpire Lance Barksdale, Jeter Christ does not love you. You and all the boys in blue can stop kissing Jeter's ass rings.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Just Got a Book Published!

christian romance novel, sexy jesus christ hunk
Not Just One of the Flock

By Bobbi Melonosky
A Harlequin Christian Romance Novel Special Release

Sept 2010
Miniseries: Red State Rapture Collection
Category: Contemporary Christian Romance

When her cheating husband and his young mistress are sent away to Federal Prison for tax evasion and the illegal funding of known terrorist organizations, sophisticated Katie Kummins, a wildly successful, but heartbroken publisher of teen fashion magazines, runs away from the big city to a posh spa in the countryside.

Her quest for tranquility is aborted when she finds instead Jesus Christ, a sexy, alluring, and smoldering -- organic sheep farmer! Will Katie leave her spiked high heels and materialistic ways forever and embrace her new found love of Jesus? Can these two mismatched lovers live together without driving each other crazy?

Read an Excerpt from the soon to be Best Selling - Not Just One of the Flock!

Bobbi Melonosky is the girly name I use when I write chick stuff. Not my image of Jesus Christ. That is a real image of a Burning Hunk of Steaming Savior Love used by right-wing fundamentalist churches to lure in unsuspecting, potential female followers.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A 1950's Guide to Making Love to a Chick

I found this guide in the April 1956 edition of Girth, a vintage men's magazine. Enjoy!

funny 1950's guide
funny 1950's guide
funny 1950's guide
funny 1950's guide

Actual images were pilfered (without express written permission) from Vintage Scans, an outstanding site I frequent often.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Can You Guess the Quarterback?

NFL Racial Reality in Black and White

I'm challenging you to guess the quarterback. It does not matter how much you know about NFL football. You can be a grandma from Holland or a soccer fan from Slovenia --with just three helpful hints, I know that you can guess 90% of the quarterbacks in the NFL.

Hint Number 1: About 70% of NFL players are African-Americans.
Hint Number 2: The quarterback makes the most money.
Hint Number 3: The quarterback is the star, often called "the face of the franchise."

That's all you need to know. Study the faces and give it your best guess. Every pair of faces has the quarterback and a player on his team that is closest in size (that is not a kicker*).

Buffalo Bills

Did you guess the clean-cut, white boy on the left? You are correct! Good start.

Cleveland Browns
Yeah, I know, he looks like he's fifteen but that is the quarterback.

Oakland Raiders

How are you doing? Three for three? I told you it was easy. Sure he looks like a psychotic pedophile but he looks like a white, psychotic pedophile. The next one is tricky. Take your time.

San Francisco 49ers

Did you guess the guy on the right? Good for you. I tried to trick you but you were too smart for me.

St. Louis Rams

Wow, might as well have stamped QUARTERBACK on this guy's forehead.

Tampa Bay Bucs
Uh oh, you are perfect so far and yes, they are both off-white. Have you noticed that I am showing a tendency to go to my left? Then you got it right.

Denver Broncos

A Burger King face if ever there was one.

Arizona Cardinals

Getting bored? Did I mention that there are 32 teams in the NFL?

Washington Redskins

Oh no! If you are not an actual football fan, you may have gotten this one wrong. The quarterback, Donovan McNab, is on the right. Wake up, America.

Jacksonville Jaguars

I know what you are thinking, but I did not make a mistake. One of these guys is the quarterback. Don't worry, keep going, it gets easier again, I promise.

Carolina Panthers

Feeling better?

Kansas City Chiefs

Ten years and 63 million dollars will put a smile on your face, even in Kansas City.

Seattle Seahawks

Okay, I admit it, it is getting monotonous but hey, that's the point of the bit.

Detroit Lions

If you get this one wrong, you are colorblind -- which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

New York Jets

Miami Dolphins

Chicago Bears

Philadelphia Eagles

Tennesee Titans

Okay, that was eight meatballs in a row. Do you need other clues? Quarterbacks are considered the "smartest," and they get to put their hands on the asses of their teammates. Neither of these hints help with this pair. Both of these guys look equally intelligent and equally gay.

Baltimore Ravens

I'll see you down at the bottom of the post. I'm confident you'll nail the next thirteen.

Cincinnati Bengals

Houston Texans

Atlanta Falcons

New York Giants

Green Bay Packers

Dallas Cowboys

San Diego Chargers

Minnesota Vikings

Pittsburgh Steelers

New Orleans Saints

Indianapolis Colts

New England Patriots

Thirty-two teams, twenty-eight starting white quarterbacks. That's 88%!!! In a league that is 70% African-American. This is no accident. Pale skin must make an athlete better at playing quarterback.

Pale skin also makes an athlete better at kicking.
Placekicker - 100% white
Punter - 97% white

Broken down by position 2008

The teams are sorted by something called a Quarterback Power Ranking from a newspaper called the Dallas Star. That's also where I got the quarterback names -- with the exception of Donovan McNab and the new guy in Philadelphia and I assumed Brett Favre would come out of retirement.