Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It's the Empty Seats, Stupid!

Brian Cashman can't explain it. "The original wind study performed by our engineers resulted in 106 wins, huge profits and a normal amount of home runs," the Yankees GM told reporters.

It's the empty seats, stupid! As any school boy knows, wind is caused by the unequal heating of the earth's surface. The surface in question, all those expensive seats in Yankee Stadium where the fake corporate fans are not sitting, is the problem. All the air and wind modeling the Yankees engineer performed assumed that those seats would be filled with expensive suits. Expensive suits filled with rich, pseudo-fans with large wallets and massive egos.

Remember this simple formula from Middle School math? It was called The Randy Levine Bald Faced Lie Theorem.

Wind to Right Field (mph) = Number of Corporate Accounts x Piles of Cash (tons) x NYY

where NYY = drag coefficient of $1,000 wool suits

When you replace expensive suits with cheap, blue plastic? Duh, wind! Additionally, all that hot air produced by the Bernie Madoffs of the world while they talk on their cellphones instead of watching the actual game? Empty seats can't talk endlessly about screwing the little guys! No hot air in the field boxes means convection currents and that results in big wind. This is simple stuff people.

Quick semi-serious notes: Forget the number of home runs. Did you see Grady Sizemore's grand slam? He hit it with one hand. And Posada hit a HR to deep right-center off the end of his bat.

Insightful comments and good photos taken by a real Yankee fan at PaulKatcher.com.

More photos of empty seats and real Yankee fans at RiverAveBlues.com.

1 comment:

  1. It's the best game ever, definitely! When I was a little child I always enjoyed the games with my father. I love the Yankee stadium, it's the best place, there's dreams in the air, and you can smelling the exist and glory in side.