Friday, April 17, 2009

Another Revolting Development

Last night's game was hard to watch. Bad pitching (Maine pulled an Ollie), bad hitting (Wright left four runners on base), bad umpiring (homeplate umpire Gary Darling must have had dinner reservations, he punched out Delgado to end the game on a pitch that was so outside it hit a 7 train) and bad audience participation (lots of empty seats and a douche bag that was sitting in the front row).

I'm going to focus on this douche bag. The guy that interfered with Daniel Murphy's double down the line in the fourth inning, costing the Mets a run and perhaps more, because Reyes had to stay at third instead of scoring. Remember him? He looked like an unholy amalgamation of Jorge Posada and the star of Slumdog Millionaire.

He's supposed to be a Mets fan. He was wearing a Mets hat his dad bought him at a new Citi Field kiosk for $35.99. When the ball is in play and the Mets are about to score, DON'T TOUCH it, you big-nosed, mouth-breathing, brace-faced, four-eyed, rich-ass DORK!!!

Keith Hernandez and Ron Darling gave him a pass and so did most of the "fans" in the high rent section he was sitting in. Those are $105 seats. Unless I win the lottery, I will never be sitting in those seats. The dick didn't even understand he did something wrong until someone explained the basic fundamentals of the game he was supposed to be enjoying. At Shea, he would have been doused in beer by real fans. He deserved to be doused in gasoline.

The sheepish, shit-eating grin he was sporting made me want to crush his $900 eyewear into a tangle of wire and broken glass and grind the remains permanently into the braces keeping his mule teeth from protruding past his Posada-esque proboscis.

Yeah, it was one game. But last year in September, it would have been real nice to have another win in April. Fans are supposed to support the home team not skull fuck it to death. It's not just the one game, its the idea that only filthy rich people can afford to go to baseball games and filthy rich people are not necessarily good fans.

When that loathsome, foul-smelling, tallow-skinned, excuse for a Mets fan got home last night, after he picked the foul-smelling smegma from his orthodontics and lured the cheese-like secretions from the endless whiteheads on his pasty face, after he put his new souvenir baseball next to the 10 RBI ball stamped with a facsimile of Alex Rodriguez's autograph, after he put his brand new, official 2009 alternative inaugural Citi Field Mets cap next to his worn only once, official 2008 last year of Yankee Stadium Yankees cap, the sonofabitch probably slept like a baby.

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