Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
President Obama's national security adviser, retired General James Jones, apologized yesterday for a joke he told to a pro-Israeli think tank.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Last night I attended my first Teabagging party and I have to admit that it was a lot of fun. I've been teabagged many times before and I've even done some teabagging myself. Here's a photo of me teabagging the Wall Street Bull statue after a three martini lunch.
This kid convinced me to blow off my plans and go to the party.
No, he's not my type. He's more Pope Benedict's type. But he did tell me that Elisabeth Hasselbeck was going to be one of the celebrity teabaggers. I'm as liberal a dem as there is and these guys were aiming to please. Elisabeth Hasselbeck can provide the milk for my teabag anytime!!!
In the unlikely event that you are unfamiliar with the slang of today's youth, here's a screen capture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Kristi Yamaguchi demonstrating proper teabagging form during the Republican National Convention's Teabagging on Ice extravaganza. Teabagging is very difficult while fully clothed, on ice. Leave this fancy stuff to the professionals.
When I got to the conference room I was a little worried. There seemed to be way more tea "bags" than there were tea "cups." Not a great recipe for a kick-ass teabagging party in my opinion. On a positive note, most of the teabaggers were old enough to be collecting social security. There's nothing like an old, saggy, leaking tea bag to leave a bitter taste in your mouth -- just ask Larry King's sister-in-law. I figured I'd be able to hookup with more than my share.
I'm not one to teabag and tell but...
Monday, April 19, 2010
She looked so much like Alyssa Milano that I thought she was Alyssa Milano. After studying her carefully, I determined that she was probably not Alyssa Milano but she was close enough for me. This provided a great opening line and the potential for a conversation.
I know what you're thinking, "How the hell did a midget beat you up?" First, this wasn't one of those cute and fuzzy little people that are determined to make it in the big people world by being pleasant and charming like all those guys on the cable shows. This was a bitter, steroid-induced, crazy dwarf that wanted to show his woman that he could kick the 6 foot tall skinny white boy's ass like those other guys on the other cable shows.
Friday, April 9, 2010
I have an artistic bent. I wanted to be an artist in high school until my teachers convinced me that I sucked.
I had time to kill before they would let me into the Tim Burton exhibit so I checked out Monet's Water Lilies. Unfortunately, these paintings have really faded over the years -- I mean you can barely make out the flowers in a painting that is as big as a house. Probably caused by the tens of thousands of flash photos that everyone was taking despite the numerous signs forbiding it, and the useless guard watching everyone taking the photos. It's too bad.
A Picasso exhibit was across the hall so I stuck my head in. I like Picasso. The Picasso Museum in Paris was my favorite part of that trip. These were etchings for magazines and books. Never seen an etching before. Still don't know what the hell an etching is. Am now amazed that an etching could ever be used to entice a woman up to your bedroom.
Tim Burton easily kicked the other guy's butts. The exhibit had hundreds of drawings, some models, and some movie props. I really liked the drawings. When Mr. Burton draws something he takes the time to ink it and paint it with watercolors. The stuff was great. There was this diorama that was way better than a shoebox. It had a kid killing his dad but you can only see the bloody gore when the light changed color.
My three favorites were this panel from a Nightmare Before Christmas storyboard.
My Dick Discusses Tim Burton at the MOMA
The following review was written by a frequent contributor of insightful posts and unsightly stains, my dick.
This exhibit was filled to overflowing with people. There had to be at least 100 models from France and Italy enjoying Tim Burton. And when I say models, I'm not talking about little three dimensional figurines of skeleton boys. I'm talking about incredibly beautiful women.
I was queued up behind two gorgeous, young women from France that found every cartoon, no mattter how obvious, to be out loud funny. Damn, French is an appealing language when spoken by amazingly attractive women.
Are the Fashion Houses of Milan and Paris closed this week?
Also, and I commend the exhibit curators for this decision, the space was way too small for the sold-out crowd, resulting in uncomfortably warm conditions. All the hot art babes were hot so clothing was minimal.
So, if you are a rich, handsome stud muffin, get to the MOMA and get laid. If I qualified, I'd use the old "wanna see my etchings" line.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I really should be writing for The Office.
Ready for more halfassed DaVinci? Believe it or not, I have pissed the Mona Lisa (that's another DaVinci painting).
Another Example of Why Work is Sucking the Life Out of Me or Writing those Dilbert Cartoons is the Easiest Job in the World
You saw the wink, right?
Somebody I trust, somebody way wiser than me, told me to delete this post. If you missed it, you didn't miss much. It was an email from my boss that was so unbelievably stupid, it was funny. Like that doesn't happen everyday, everywhere, everytime, to all of you.
My boss and everyone else in charge work very hard -- to make the rest of us feel small and insignificant, and miserable. But as someone else much wiser than me also has said, "Work is work. If it didn't suck worse than Karl Rove with a mouth full of broken glass, it wouldn't be work."
Standby, I plan on another post about work that is safe, and full of whimsy and marigolds.Another bit about My Boss the Douche Bag.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The girl does like her ink!
More Sandra Bullock
My Dick Explains Why The Blind Side is So Popular
Sandra Bullock Wins Oscar, I get More Traffic!