Monday, October 18, 2010

What Does Andy Pettitte Do Behind His Glove?

andy pettitte eyes glove mitt
What does Andy Pettitte do behind his baseball mitt?

He reads uplifting passages from the bible. Stuff like, "Thou shalt not cheat."
He's sexting Deanna Favre.
He gently kisses the ball then pops it in his mouth -- just like he did with Bud Selig's balls.
He's making sure that his mascara is still perfect.
He's pulling a Jeter pube from between his teeth.
He practices his Brooklynese, stuff like fuhgeddaboutdit and notfanuttin, so that stupid Yankee fans keep thinking he's a goombah.
He's seeing if his hand still smells like Clemens' ass.

and the Number 1 thing that Andy Pettitte is probably doing behind his glove...

He's snorting lines of Human Growth Hormone.

Of all the hated Yankees, Andy "I love Jesus and HGH" Pettitte is my most hated, except for Jeter and A-Rod. Bible-thumping, Roger Clemen's ass-pumping, Andy "I have accepted HGH as my personal Savior" Pettitte is the patron saint of cheaters, liars and hypocrites.


  1. Bobby,

    What does Andy really do behind his glove?

    Count his money!!!

    Andy "Church and Family comes first with me" Pettitte makes $11,750,000 a year to throw a ball!


  2. Bill,

    Don't even get me started on the money. The Yankees have paid Andy Pettitte more this year than the Rangers have paid all four of their starters for these playoffs.

    The Yankees paid A.J. Burnett $16.5 million this year to be the worst pitcher in Yankee history.

    Nice work if you can get it.