Monday, December 8, 2014

Kim Kardashian at MOMA

Saturday was cold and rainy, so like every other lumberjacksexual in NYC,  I went to see the Henri Matisse Cut Out Exhibit at MOMA.

To kill more time before the Florida State game, I wandered through the permanent collection to admire the incredible amount of beautiful women that are always in these museums.

Kim Kardashian Picasso MOMA

That's when I found a Kim Kardashian painted by none other than Pablo Picasso.   Google informed me that Kayne commissioned the work but rejected it because Kim's boobs looked way too small.

Some Notes on Henri Matisse Cut Outs

Henri Matisse cut outs MOMA

I always say that there is nothing like a good Matisse and these cut outs were nothing like a good Matisse.  When you first look at the exhibit hall you're like whoa, "I hope they're selling shower curtains in the gift shop.  These eye-catching colors will brighten up my dark, dingy bathroom."

Then you look closer.

Matisse cut out closeup

Look at the thumbtacks!  The old Frenchie painted them over to fool us but those are definitely thumbtacks.  Henri was really mailing it in towards the end of his life.

If I was Matisse, and I was making a masterpiece out of construction paper, I would go to the trouble of making little loops of scotch tape and attaching them to the back of the cut outs so that you couldn't see them in the final product. 

Matisse loops of scotch tape

Art snobs are laughing at my ignorance right now because they know that Matisse didn't actually attach the little cutouts himself.  He had a bevy of comely female assistants do the hard work.  He sat in his chair and had this long bamboo stick that he used to hit his assistants with when they worked too slow.  He also used the stick to point to the place he wanted stuff to go.

If I was Matisse, I would have also used that stick to point out where the little loops of Scotch Tape should go.

Sadly,  I walked off into the rain back to my apartment without a new shower curtain and without a hot, sexy art lover.

And Florida State, with their roster full of rapists and felons, won their game, again.

Other Artsy-Fartsy Posts 

The Louve or An American Asshole in Paris
How to Draw John Bolton in a Suit
Monet, Picasso and Burton: I Play Hookey From Work at the Museum of Modern Art
The Last Staff Meeting
I Peed the Mona Lisa

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