When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
Lucy Mecklenburgh works effortless style in orange jumpsuit and black leather jacket at make-up launch
My Comment: Those paintings are amazing. Lucy is both beautiful and a very, talented artist.
You know, because those easels are usually used for oil painting and the makeup looks like tubes of paint and this comment would have gotten mega red arrows as all of Britain got off feeling superior to me with their inexhaustible knowledge of all things Lucy.
Bride-to-be Michelle Keegan nails off-duty chic as she attends her final dress fitting
My Comment: "Michelle Keegan nails off-duty security guard" would be a better headline. Especially, if I was the off-duty security guard.
You know, because "nails off-duty" is a funny choice of words and I would really like to nail Michelle Keegan. I am not a security guard but would be willing to wear the uniform for a tryst if Michelle agrees to wear her wedding gown.
Robin Thicke, 38, is overshadowed by glamorous young girlfriend April Love Geary, 20
My Comment: I think it's nice that Robin brought his daughter as his date to an event at Cannes. Most guys would bring a two-bit floozy.
You know, because Robin looks 48 but is 38 and April looks 20 but is 20.
Kylie Minogue offers a glimpse of her famous derrière as she steps out in a cute beige semi-sheer minidress
My Comment: If Kylie sang with her derrière, her music might be more bare-able.
You know, because Kylie looks a lot better than she sounds.
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
Men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT says Islamic preacher
My Comment: If that guy was right, I'd have 800,000 kids. Rating ▲3
Ivanka WatchHere's a photo of Ivanka Trump. I have now submitted some variation of this comment 127 times and it's been rejected 127 times. Besides, can Ivanka be more adorable? No she can not.
Ivanka Trump's sundress gets caught in a breeze as she shows off her impressive swing
My Comment: That swing is generating a lot of torque, in my pants! Ivana hump Ivanka Trump.
Extra Bonus StuffAnd because I went to the trouble of photoshopping that cute, little dildo into Christine O'Donnell's cute little hand, here's the original image from Fox News.
Wow, it looks like Christine is making up for lost time. Spit on that bottle rocket and fire away.